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30 September 2008 @ 01:21 am
Hey guys, I want to know what you think of this before I post it anywhere else! LOL

It's called,


A rose disturbed the wall,

Melting the late frost,

Saw a brick stir and move to fall

Realised too late that it was lost.

Across the floor its petals stirred

Broken and bruised,

A brief colour to the world which faded, brushed, swirled away

                Breathed and died.


He lined his eye to the leaf,

Where a dome shivered,

Its surface endless but brief

Sticky liquid held by something withered

Branches built in memory

Tortured and cruel,

Snatching the morning dew from the grass to cry, hopelessly;

                That night has lied

Sunlight steals the coolness away

And the leaves turn brown,

Scatter in a lifeless motion

Turning the world into a restless ocean

Rocks tumbled over an open field –

Traces of humanity broken and ruined

A thought left to be used

Ravished pages, time abused

Buried and refused.

Skeletons picked over by a wandering glance

Bleached and bare

Eyeless statues hold their stance

With an empty stare

And the moment passes, leaves him silent

Touching the wall, deciphering what it meant

                Wandering voices, climbing the walls

                Shivering into bloom

                A radiant colour against the gloom

                Whispers and falls

                                It dies in the sunlight, mournfully, peacefully

                Settling with the dew.

Billbilly_red_ocean on September 29th, 2008 03:39 pm (UTC)
I like it but if you wanted to tell me something insightful with this I didn't get it cos thinking hurt my brains at the moment too much. lol
ellymelly: conversation an excuse to plotellymelly on September 29th, 2008 03:46 pm (UTC)
it's sort of about archeology - if that helps at all! LOL
Billbilly_red_ocean on September 29th, 2008 03:47 pm (UTC)
I just want to point out that I wrote hurt my brains instead of hurts my brain...
ellymelly: typoellymelly on September 29th, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC)
hahaha lol, i was prepared to let that one slide!!!!!
Billbilly_red_ocean on September 29th, 2008 03:53 pm (UTC)
Brain's out of order today. lol
Liza: Shine Onlizamanynames on September 29th, 2008 04:30 pm (UTC)
Oooooh, beautiful imagry in this, and absolutely lyrical verse.
ellymelly: animatedellymelly on September 30th, 2008 05:21 am (UTC)
thank you very much - it was a response to a prompt http://www.artquotes.net/artists/archibald/archibald_ben2002.htm

I wrote a piece of prose first but as I was writing that, I suddenly got the urge to write this as well. So i guess it's kind of a prompt of a prompt! LOL
Liza: Books is goodlizamanynames on September 30th, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC)
It's so amazing when that happens, isn't it? I'd love to read the companion piece sometime - it sounds fascinating.
sidhe1: ncis abby LJsidhe1 on September 30th, 2008 04:15 am (UTC)
The very first line caught my attention. I loved it because I would never associate a rose with something being disturbed otherwise! I think it's a beautiful image. I'm not sure what your intended theme is, but the images I got in my head were of a wasteland place, maybe something our descendants might see if they had to live in underground bunkers after a nuclear war, and then they come out for the first time in generations or something. Kind of dark and post-apocalyptic, which is a compliment because I love that kind of writing and think it's not frequently done very well. But this is done beautifully!!
ellymelly: confirm purchaseellymelly on September 30th, 2008 05:24 am (UTC)
ooh i don't mind that interpretation at all. lol i had an image of a rugged hillside littered with some ancient ruins but i was never specific so you can see whatever you want.

The whole thing was actually a prompt response to this painting: http://www.artquotes.net/artists/archibald/archibald_ben2002.htm

I wrote a short story first about an obsessive archaeologist determined to preserve the obscure emotion of a ruin and ended up writing this poem as a compliment so I had no idea if it was able to stand alone! LOL

I'll eventually post the short story which matches :D

thank you very much for taking the time to read it!